feelings .

assalamualaikum . 

harini lets talk about feelings. 

i am different . that what i know and i feel. 

not in the unique way but . just plain different .

when the girls . other girls . let it be my sis and my aunt or my cousin or even my fren .

when they start talking about clothes , boys :P and make ups and all other girly stuff . 

i feel left out . cuz i am not girly at all . 

 i dont know why it makes me sad  but this is just the truth . 

since my parents divorce which is when i was 1 yo . still a cutie :3

i have been doing everything for myself .

bkn dr baby la kan . start skola rendah -.-

i iron my own clothes sampai hangus kaww. X)

started doing the dishes and other house chores.

buy my own shampoo . when girls PMS for the first time . their mother was the one who would tell them what to do . teach what brand to buy.

me ? sedih okayy . cuz my family are not like other family .

 i know not every family is the same as one another but at least they are living together .

 im used to doing mens work for my grandparents cuz my big sis is too scared of doing it .

i cut down the trees . change the bulb . bury the cat corpse . angkat tong gas cuz my grandpa is to old to carry things like that . so sometimes when people saw me doing things tht require strength . they would say .

wow you're strong . 

and my mind automatically replies . 

you dont know what i've been through .

 i am so tired of being independent but i dont like to rely things on others.

when adi says he love me for me . i am touched . 

he's a sweet guy . and i do love him . 

but sometimes i thought . would this last ? can someone really love me for me ?

my heart trust him . but my brain . its terrified . cuz logically for something to last forever . 

its a 0.00000001 chances .

but in this case i just rely on my heart . 

i am more like a boy than a girl . 

i am very hot tempered . i do things without thinking. 

i say things when i am mad . and i dont really know how to talk nicely cuz sometimes.

people mistaken me for talking down on them . 

but the truth i am just trying to fit in .

i dont know how to communicate . i am bad at those. 

i'm not telling u all these for ur sympathies . no i woudnt want any of that . 

this is just what i feel . the topic is feelings right ? 

till then 

t . r . a