within the clouds

aku harap dia tahu. bangun pagi je aku check fon tggu msg dia aku harap dia tahu. bila aku tak msg dia tu maksudnya aku nak tggu dia msg dulu bila aku tak msg dia tu . aku tak nak kacau ketenteraman dia aku tahu dia penat dengan karenah aku ragam aku so maybe kalau aku bagi dia rest dia akan heal aku harap dia tahu setiap kali lepas solat aku doa supaya Allah buka pintu hati dia utk aku balik, supaya dia boleh terima kesalahan aku and maaf kan. supaya dia boleh accept aku utk siapa diri aku, suapa hati dia tenang walupun aku xde skrg. aku harap dia tahu aku risau bila die keluar dgn member2 dia sbb aku tkut ada member perempuan. aku harap dia tahu aku risau kalau dia migraine tak makan tak cukup tidur. aku yg tak keruan aku harap dia tahu aku still tunggu dia walaupun aku senyap hati aku tak tenteram aku harap dia tahu aku tengah cuba jadi seorang yg penyabar. aku harap dia tahu aku tengah cuba buang jauh2 ego aku. aku harap dia tahu aku tengah cuba utk jd seorang yg l...

I missed you. i really do. bila aku msg. dia reply sepatah sepatah. sedihnya rasa. baru lah nampak kan aku dah tak special bila aku ckp bye the answers are always bye jugak.  how i hoped that he'll say " please stay" bila dengar lagu happy pon aku boleh nangis . rasa mcam helpless nya aku i miss him i wish i could say it to him.  i wish i could say i love him but i wont. for now he needs to heal and so do i but i hurt so much that i cant think of anything else, i need to be strong i need to be patient but how i need a support system but who when those part has always been you. aku risau . bila tgk whatsapp dia online tp dia tak msg aku aku tahu dia slalu msg kawan dia and one of his friend ( a lady ) baru putus and seek advice from him aku jeles bila dengar  and tba2 that girl ckp rindu kat dia ( mcm mana aku tahu , dia lah ckp ) and dia dah ckp kat budak too he's not in for a relationship tapi hati manusia kita tak tahu kenapa aku takut b...

Its been a week. we texted everyday. even though sometimes dia balas mcm nak tak nak. i know he needs time. and for that reason.  i want to change. i want to be better. yes the change is for myself. but he is the reason why. the trigger. i'm thinking of texting him less so that he'll be at peace. i dont want to push him i dont want to make him feel annoyed. i want him to see that i'm trying to change that i will not take this easy. i will do my very best to show him that i can. and i'm willing to even if maybe he's not the one for me. even if maybe he'll hold some one elses hand take her as your wife even if maybe i'll be just friend to you. i'm not going to give up. just like how u didnt give up on me before kan ? did you know that i fell asleep crying every night ? my thoughts are always with you all throughout the day ? how i resist in texting you because i dont want to make you feel guilty or uncomfortable how i cry myself a...

i told him that i wanted to get back together. i told him that i love him. but he has lost hope in me waiting for me to change. but he forgives me. he ask me to change. not because of him but for me to learn my mistake. he told me that we might have a chance to be togther one day but not now. he said dont wait for him because he might fell in love with someone else and move on. so he doesnt want to hurt me. but i want to hold on. i cant let him go. i want him in my life. even though he annoyed me sometimes. he's the reason i smile after a long day of work. he's the reason i work hard . for our future together. but now i feel like i have lost my world. and all i can think about is what if he found another girl ? better than me, that understand him more. that fill the void in his heart better. i dont want him to be anyone elses. i want him to be mine. even now i sound so selfish right ?when he's hurting all i want is for him to stay when i'm the one that hurts h...

I have been in a long term relationship for almost 6 years. I know i love him. we aim to tie the knot when both of us have enough money. ( i yg selalu xde duit) and i know he love me. with all his heart. for the past years. maybe since a couple years back. i took him for granted. i thought, its okay. he'll understand. im tired with my studies im tired with my internship and eventually im tired with my work so he can wait. he'll understand because it work. when i was stressed out, i didnt tell him. i kept it inside. one of the reason is because i forget to tell him cus sometimes when i talk to him i forgot everything else. second is i malas nk open up. sbb mood dgn dia baik nk open up about my stress kesian dia penat. and third sometimes i vent it on him even when he did the tiniest mistakes. I'm not sure what got me but sometimes i didnt event apologies if i did something wrong. everything comes to my ego.  I'm selfish and vain. egoistic and cruel. how could i ...