change

i told him that i wanted to get back together. i told him that i love him.
but he has lost hope in me waiting for me to change.

but he forgives me. he ask me to change. not because of him but for me to learn my mistake.
he told me that we might have a chance to be togther one day but not now.

he said dont wait for him because he might fell in love with someone else and move on. so he doesnt want to hurt me. but i want to hold on. i cant let him go. i want him in my life. even though he annoyed me sometimes. he's the reason i smile after a long day of work. he's the reason i work hard . for our future together.

but now i feel like i have lost my world. and all i can think about is what if he found another girl ? better than me, that understand him more. that fill the void in his heart better. i dont want him to be anyone elses. i want him to be mine.

even now i sound so selfish right ?when he's hurting all i want is for him to stay when i'm the one that hurts him the most .

i feel like giving up . i so scared of the what ifs that im breaking down.