holding on

Its been a week.
we texted everyday. even though sometimes dia balas mcm nak tak nak. i know he needs time.
and for that reason. 
i want to change.
i want to be better.
yes the change is for myself. but he is the reason why.
the trigger.

i'm thinking of texting him less so that he'll be at peace.
i dont want to push him
i dont want to make him feel annoyed.
i want him to see that i'm trying to change
that i will not take this easy.
i will do my very best to show him that i can. and i'm willing to

even if maybe he's not the one for me.
even if maybe he'll hold some one elses hand take her as your wife
even if maybe i'll be just friend to you.

i'm not going to give up.

just like how u didnt give up on me before kan ?

did you know that i fell asleep crying every night ?
my thoughts are always with you all throughout the day ?
how i resist in texting you because i dont want to make you feel guilty or uncomfortable
how i cry myself and pray that Allah open your heart for me.
so that you forgive me and accept me.
but most importantly so that he give you peace . so that he give you what you have always wanted.
and bless your life.


but i wouldnt tell you any of these because it would have hurt you even more